I took a college class titled "Parent-Child Relations" last semester and I was taught one of the most important lessons I have ever learned. My professor introduced the importance of being "present" when it comes to dealing with your children. Now, I don't have children yet but I know that when I do, I will be utilizing this lesson to the fullest extent. My professor would explain his theory on "I've gotcha." He would put up two fingers and point to his eyes. He would then turn his hand around to point at what signified as his own child. He would do this and say "I've got you." Most of the communication between children and adults is nonverbal and children are incredibly good at picking up on body language and the presence of the adults around them. By looking in a child's eyes, I mean really looking at them, you are saying everything you need to let them know you are there. All children want is to be recognized, to know that even for that split second of time, you are there and conscience of them. Children know when their parents and caretakers are somewhere else, even when they are sitting right next to them. They can recognize it and they can feel the distance, but as soon as eye contact is made, a deep connection is created and both adult and child are tuned in. I thank my lucky stars that I was able to learn the importance of being present before I went to Africa because boy did I utilize it. There was nothing better than seeing the magic that came as a result of the connections I made with these wonderful children.
Some of the greatest moments I had with the children were silent. Some of the best moments were had between myself and a child that was clear on the other side of the orphanage. I would be watching the children color a picture and I would look up at a young girl in the kitchen making banku in a huge cauldron over a fire. She would be mixing and mixing the sticky dough with all her strength and then stop for a break. I would watch her until she would look over at me. I would look right in her eyes and smile. I could guarantee that every time this happened a HUGE smile would spread on her beautiful face. Sometimes I would mouth the words "good job!" I could immediately see how proud these girls would be at the simple acknowledgment that the hard work they were doing was seen and admired.
A moment that stands out to me so incredibly much was a time that silence brought tears to my eyes. I became incredibly close with a young boy who lives in the orphanage, he is so great at football(soccer). I made it a point to watch him when he would play. The middle of the orphanage is open with no roof, the ground is dirt and there is almost always a game of football going on. There are so many incredible football players in that orphanage I can't even begin to explain. When I would see them start to play I would sit off to the side where he could see me. There would be times I would sit by myself, the other kids would be playing with the other volunteers, and I would just sit and watch. I wanted him to know it was all for him, my full attention was on him. One day, they had just started playing and he didn't know I was at the orphanage yet. I immediately started watching him and he glanced up at me, making eye contact. I had a huge smile on my face(naturally happens while watching these beautiful kids do anything they love). He looked away quickly to wrestle the ball away from someone else with his feet. He returned his gaze to me immediately after with the biggest smile I have ever seen, I will never forget his face in that moment. I saw his mouth open a bit and his stomach move, letting loose a laugh, the whole while his eyes were locked on mine. That moment was pure magic to me. I have never felt so connected to a moment in time before. It was as if we had a full conversation with each other without saying a word. I felt so much love in that moment that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he felt my appreciation for him and that he knew I loved him. I laughed out loud and my eyes filled with tears of complete contentment. That will forever be one of my favorite moments I have ever had the pleasure in being a part of.
Now that I am home, I am trying to be extremely present. Not only can children recognize when the adults around them are somewhere else mentally, but adults realize when it happens too. I want the people around me to know that I am with them, even when we sit in silence. When communication is verbal between myself and those around me, whether I am able to relate to the words they speak or not, I want them to feel like it isn't a one-sided conversation. I want those around me to feel like I truly care about their thoughts on the world around them. I want them to know that I care how work went and how their drive home was. There is nothing more powerful than the connection that two people share and there is nothing more beautiful when a person can feel the love someone has for them. This was my lesson on the power of silence and the importance of presence.
*If you have a story that this entry reminds you of and you would like to share it, please feel free to email me. I would love to hear your story, whoever you may be. [email protected]
Some of the greatest moments I had with the children were silent. Some of the best moments were had between myself and a child that was clear on the other side of the orphanage. I would be watching the children color a picture and I would look up at a young girl in the kitchen making banku in a huge cauldron over a fire. She would be mixing and mixing the sticky dough with all her strength and then stop for a break. I would watch her until she would look over at me. I would look right in her eyes and smile. I could guarantee that every time this happened a HUGE smile would spread on her beautiful face. Sometimes I would mouth the words "good job!" I could immediately see how proud these girls would be at the simple acknowledgment that the hard work they were doing was seen and admired.
A moment that stands out to me so incredibly much was a time that silence brought tears to my eyes. I became incredibly close with a young boy who lives in the orphanage, he is so great at football(soccer). I made it a point to watch him when he would play. The middle of the orphanage is open with no roof, the ground is dirt and there is almost always a game of football going on. There are so many incredible football players in that orphanage I can't even begin to explain. When I would see them start to play I would sit off to the side where he could see me. There would be times I would sit by myself, the other kids would be playing with the other volunteers, and I would just sit and watch. I wanted him to know it was all for him, my full attention was on him. One day, they had just started playing and he didn't know I was at the orphanage yet. I immediately started watching him and he glanced up at me, making eye contact. I had a huge smile on my face(naturally happens while watching these beautiful kids do anything they love). He looked away quickly to wrestle the ball away from someone else with his feet. He returned his gaze to me immediately after with the biggest smile I have ever seen, I will never forget his face in that moment. I saw his mouth open a bit and his stomach move, letting loose a laugh, the whole while his eyes were locked on mine. That moment was pure magic to me. I have never felt so connected to a moment in time before. It was as if we had a full conversation with each other without saying a word. I felt so much love in that moment that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he felt my appreciation for him and that he knew I loved him. I laughed out loud and my eyes filled with tears of complete contentment. That will forever be one of my favorite moments I have ever had the pleasure in being a part of.
Now that I am home, I am trying to be extremely present. Not only can children recognize when the adults around them are somewhere else mentally, but adults realize when it happens too. I want the people around me to know that I am with them, even when we sit in silence. When communication is verbal between myself and those around me, whether I am able to relate to the words they speak or not, I want them to feel like it isn't a one-sided conversation. I want those around me to feel like I truly care about their thoughts on the world around them. I want them to know that I care how work went and how their drive home was. There is nothing more powerful than the connection that two people share and there is nothing more beautiful when a person can feel the love someone has for them. This was my lesson on the power of silence and the importance of presence.
*If you have a story that this entry reminds you of and you would like to share it, please feel free to email me. I would love to hear your story, whoever you may be. [email protected]